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EPIMANES
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Chacun a ses vertus. ——
Crebillon's Xerxes.
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 Antiochus Epiphanes
is very generally looked upon as the Gog of the prophet Ezekiel. This
honour
is however more properly attributable to Cambyses, son of Cyrus.
And, indeed the character of the Syrian king does by no means stand
in need of any extraneous embellishment. His accession to the throne,
or rather his usurpation of the sovereignty, a hundred and seventy one
years before the coming of Christ — his attempt to plunder the temple
of
Diana at Ephesus — his implacable hostility to the
Jews — his pollution of the Holy of Holies — and his miserable death at
Taba after a tumultuous reign of eleven years, are circumstances of a
prominent kind, and therefore more particularly noticed by the
historians
of his time than the impious, dastardly, cruel, silly, and whimsical
achievements
which make up the sum total of his private life and reputation.
Let us suppose, gentle reader, that
it is now the
year of the world three thousand, eight hundred, and thirty, and let
us,
for a few minutes, imagine ourselves at that most grotesque habitation
of man, the remarkable city of Antioch. To be sure there were, in Syria
and other countries, sixteen cities of that name besides the one to
which
I more especially allude — but I mean that Antoich which went by the
title
of Antiochia Epidaphne from its vicinity to the little village
Daphne,
where stood a temple to that divinity. The city was built — although
about
this
matter there is some dispute— by Seleucus Nicanor, the first king of
the
country after Alexander the great. He created it in memory of his
father Antiochus,
and
became immediately the residence of the Syrian monarchy. In the
flourishing
times of the Roman empire, it was the ordinary station of the prefect
of
the Eastern provinces, and many of the emperors of the queen city —
among
whom Verus and Valens may be mentioned — spent here
the
greater part of their time ——— but I perceive we have
arrived at
the city itself —— let us ascend this battlement, and throw our eyes
around
upon the town and neighbouring country.
'What broad and rapid river
do I see forcing its
passage through the wilderness of buildings?'
'The Orontes. It is the only
water in sight —
save only the blue Mediterranean which stretches like a
mirror about twelve miles off to the southward. Every one has beheld
the
Mediterranean, but let me tell you there are few who have had a peep
at Antioch. By few, I mean few who, like you and me [[I], have had, at
the
same
time, the advantages of a modern education. Therefore cease to regard
that
sea and give your whole attention to the mass of houses that lie
beneath
us. You will remember that it is now the year of the world three
thousand,
eight hundred and thirty — were it later, for example were it
unfortunately
the year of our Lord eighteen hundred and thirty three, we should be
deprived
of this extraordinary spectacle. In the nineteenth century Antioch is —
that is, I should say Antioch will be in a lamentable state of
decay. It
will
have been by that time totally destroyed at three different periods
by three successive earthquakes. Indeed, to say the truth, what little
of its former self may then remain will be in so desolate and
ruinous
a state that the patriarch will have removed his residence to
Damascus.
This is well. I see you profit by my
advice,
and are making the most of your time in inspecting the premises. Does
not the appearance
of Epidaphne justify me in calling it grotesque? [[']]
'It is well fortified — being in this
respect is as
much indebted to nature as to art'.
'Very true'[[.]]
'There is a prodigious number of
stately palaces'[[.]]
'There is'[[.]] [page 2:]
'And the innumerable temples, sumptuous
and
magnificent,
may challenge a comparison with the most lauded of antiquity'.
'All this I must acknowledge. Still
there is an
infinity
of mud huts and hovels. We cannot help perceiving abundance
of filth in every kennel — and were it not for the overpowering fumes
of
idolatrous incense I have no doubt we should find an intolerable
stench.
Did you ever behold streets so insufferably narrow, or houses so
miraculously
tall? What a gloom their shadows cast upon the ground! It is well the
swinging
lamps in those endless colonnades are kept burning throughout the day —
we should otherwise have the darkness of Egypt in the time of her
desolation.'
'It is a most wild-looking and whimsical place! What
is the
meaning
of yonder singular building? See! — it towers above all others, and
lies
to the eastward of what I take to be the royal palace.'
'That is the new temple of the sun,
who is adored
in Syria under the title of Elah-Gabalah. Hereafter a very notorious
Roman
emperor will institute this worship in Rome, and thence derive a
cognomen
Heliogabalus. I dare say you would like a peep at the divinity of the
temple.
You need not look upwards at the Heavens — his Sunship is not there —
at
least
not the one adored by the Syrians. That deity will be found
in the interior of yonder building. He is worshipped under the figure
of
a large stone pillar, terminating at the summit in a cone or pyramid,
whereby is denoted Fire.'
'Hark! — behold! — who can
those
ridiculous
beings be, half naked, with their faces painted — shouting and
gesticulating
to the rabble?'
'Some few are mountebanks. Others more
particularly
belong to the race of philosophers. The greatest portion however,
those
especially who belabour the populace with clubs, are the principal
courtiers
of the palace executing, as in duty bound, some laudable comicality of
the king's.'
'But again! what have we here? Heavens! the
town is
swarming
with wild beasts! — what a terrible spectacle! — what a dangerous
peculiarity!'
'Terrible if you please, but not in
the least
degree
dangerous. Each animal, if you will take the pains
to observe, is following very quietly in the wake of its master. Some
few, to be sure, are led with a rope about the neck, but these are
chiefly
the lesser or more timid species. The lion, the tiger, and the leopard
are entirely without restraint. They have been trained without
difficulty
to their present profession, and attend upon their respective owners in
the capacity of men-at-arms. It is true there are
occasions
when Nature asserts her violated dominion — but then the devouring of a
freeman, or the throtling of a courtezan or a consecrated bull are
circumstances
of too little moment to be more than hinted at in Epidaphne!'
'But what extraordinary tumult do I
hear? Surely
this
is a loud noise even for Antioch — it argues some commotion of unusual
interest!'
'Yes undoubtedly. The king has
ordered some
favourite
spectacle — some exhibition at the Hippodrome — or perhaps
the massacre of the Scythian prisoners — or the conflagration of his
new
palace — or the tearing down of a handsome temple — or indeed, a
bonfire
of a few Jews. The uproar increases. Shouts of laughter ascend the
skies.
The air becomes dissonant with wind instruments, and horrible with the
clamour of a million throats. Let us descend for the love of fun, and
see
what is going on. This way — be careful. Here we are in the principal
street
which is called the street of Timarchus after one of the calamities of
the king. The sea of people is coming
this
way, and we shall find a difficulty in stemming the tide. They are
pouring through the alley of Heraclides which
leads directly from the palace, therefore the king is most probably
among
the rioters. Yes! I hear the shouts of the herald proclaiming his
approach
in the pompous phraseology of the East. We shall have a glimpse of his
person as he passes by the temple of Ashimah. Let us ensconce ourselves
in the vestibule of the Sanctuary — he will be here anon. In the
meantime
let us survey this image — what is it? Oh! it is the god Ashimah in
proper
person. You perceive, however, that he is neither a goat, nor a lamb,
nor
a Satyr — neither has he any resemblance to the Pan of the Arcadians —
yet all these appearances have been given — I beg pardon, will be
given by the learned of future ages to the Syrian Ashimah. Put
on your spectacles and tell me what it is — what is it?[[']]
'Bless me it is an ape!'
'True! — a baboon — but by no means the
less a
deity.
His name is a derivation of the Greek [[Greek text:]] Σιμια [[:Greek
text]], and great fools
are
antiquarians.'
'But see! — see! — yonder scampers a ragged little urchin —
where is he going? — what is he bawling about? — what does he say?'
'He
says the king is coming in triumph — that he is dressed in state — and
that he has just finished putting to death with his own hand a thousand
chained Israelitish prisoners. For this exploit the ragamuffin is
lauding
him to the skies. Hark! — here come a troop of a similar kind — they
have made a Latin hymn upon the valor of the king, and are singing
it as they go.'
Mille,
mille, mille
Mille, mille, mille
Decollavimus, unus homo!
Mille, mille, mille, mille,
decollavimus!
Mille, mille, mille!
Vivat qui mille, mille occidit!
Tantum vini habet nemo
Quantum sanguinis effudit![[*]]
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—— which may be thus paraphrased:
A thousand, a thousand, a
thousand!
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand!
We with one warrior have slain.
A thousand, a thousand, a thousand, a
thousand!
Sing a thousand over again. [page 3:]
Soho! let us sing
Long life to our king,
Who knocked over a thousand so fine.
Soho! let us roar
He has given us more
Red gallons of gore
Than all Syria can furnish of wine!
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'Do you hear that flourish of trumpets?'
'Yes! — the king is coming. See! the
people are
aghast
with admiration, and lift up their eyes to the heavens in reverence. He
comes! — he is coming! — there he is![[']]
'Who? where? — the king? — I do not
behold him — cannot say that I perceive him.'
'Then you must be blind.'
'Very possible — still I see nothing
but a tumultuous mob of idiots and madmen who are busy in prostrating
themselves
before
a gigantic cameleopard, and endeavouring to obtain a kiss of the
animal's
hoofs. See! the beast has very justly kicked one of the rabble over —
and
another — and another — and another. Indeed I cannot help admiring the
animal for the dexterous use he is making of his feet.'
Rabble, indeed! — why these are the
noble and
free
citizens of Epidaphne. Beast, did you say! [[?]] — take care you are
not
overheard. Do you not perceive that the animal has the visage of a man?
Why, my dear Sir, that cameleopard is no other than Antiochus
Epiphanes,
Antiochus the Illustrious, King of Syria, and the most potent of the
autocrats
of the East! It is true that he is entitled at times Antiochus
Epimanes,
Antiochus the madman — but that is because all people have not the
capacity
to appreciate his merits. It is also certain that he is at present
ensconced
in the hide of a beast, and is doing his best to play the part of a
cameleopard
— but this is for the better sustaining his dignity as king.
Besides,
the monarch is of a gigantic stature, and the dress is therefore
neither
unbecoming nor over large. We may, however, presume he wears
it upon some occasion of especial state. Such you will allow is the
massacre of a thousand Jews. With how superior a dignity the monarch
perambulates
upon all fours! His tail, you perceive, is held aloft by his two
principal
concubines Elline and Argelais; and
his
whole appearance would be infinitely prepossessing were it not for the
protuberance of his eyes which will certainly start out of his head,
and
the queer colour of his face which has become nondescript from the
quantity
of wine he has swallowed. Let us follow to the Hippodrome whither he
is
proceeding and listen to the song of triumph which he is commencing.'
Who is
king but
Epiphanes?
Say do you know?
Who is God but Epiphanes?
Say do you know?
There is none but Epiphanes,
No — there is none:
So tear down the temples
And put out the sun!
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'Well and strenuously sung! The populace are hailing
him 'Prince of Poets', as well as 'Glory of the East', 'Delight of the
Universe', and 'Most remarkable of Camelopards.' They have encored
his effusion, and (do you hear?) he is singing it over again. When he
arrives at the Hippodrome he will be crowned with the poetic wreath in
anticipation of the time whwn he shall obtain <it> at Olympia.'
'But, good Jupiter! what is the
matter in the
crowd
behind us?'
'Behind us did you say? oh! ah! —
I perceive. My friend, it is well that
you spoke in
time — let us get into a place of safety as soon as possible. Here! —
let
us conceal ourselves in the arch of this aqueduct and I will inform
you
presently of the origin of this commotion. It has turned out as I have
been anticipating. The singular appearance of the cameleopard with the
head
of a man has, it seems, given offence to the notions of propriety
entertained
in general by the wild animals domesticated in the city. A mutiny has
been
the result; and, as is usual upon such occasions, all human efforts
will
be ineffectual in quelling the mob. Several of the Epidaphnians have
already
been devoured, but the general voice of the four-footed patriots seems
to be for eating up the Cameleopard. The Prince of Poets, therefore,
is on his hinder legs and running for his life. His courtiers have left
him in the lurch, and his concubines have let go their hold upon his
tail. Delight
of
the Universe! thou art now in a sad predicament! Glory of the East! —
thou
art in danger of mastication! Thy tail will be draggled in the mud, and
for this there is no
help — look not behind thee, then, at its unavoidable degradation — but
take courage! ply thy legs with vigor, and scud for the Hippodrome!
Remember that the beasts are at thy heels! Remember
that thou art Antiochus Epiphanes, Antiochus, the Illustrious, — also
'Prince
of Poets', 'Glory of the East', 'Delight of the Universe' and 'Most
remarkable
of Cameleopards'! Heavens! what a power of speed thou art displaying! —
what a capacity for leg-bail thou
art
developing! —
Run, Prince! — Bravo! Epiphanes! hurrah! cameleopard! — glorious
Antiochus!
He runs — he moves — he flies! Like a shell from a catapult he
approaches
the Hippodrome! He leaps! — he shrieks! — he is there! Ah! had'st thou,
Glory of the East! been half a second longer in arriving at the
amphitheatre, there is not a bear's cub in Epidaphne
who
would not have had a nibble at thy carcass! Let us be off! — let us
take
our departure! for we shall find our delicate modern ears unable to
endure
the vast uproar which is about to commence in celebration of the king's
escape. Listen! — it has already commenced! — see! — the whole town is
topsy-turvy!
'Surely this is the most populous city
of the
East! — what a wilderness of people! — what a jumble of all ranks and
ages! — what
a multiplicity of sects and nations! — what a variety of costumes! what
a
Babel of languages! — what a screaming of beasts! — what a tinkling of
instruments! —
what a parcel of philosophers! — what a swarm f children! — what a deal
of women! — what a devil of a noise!'
'Come — let us be off!'
'Stay a moment! I see a vast hubbub in
the
Hippodrome. What is the meaning of it, I beseech you?[[']]
'That? — oh nothing! The noble and
free citizens
of
Antioch being, as they declare, well satisfied of the faith, valour,
wisdom,
and divinity of their king; and having moreover been witnesses of
his late superhuman agility,
do think it
no more than their duty to invest his brows (in addition to the Poetic
crown) with the wreath of victory in the stadium or foot-race,
a wreath which is esteemed the most honourable of all, and which it
is evident he must obtain at the celebration of the next
Olympiad.[[']] |
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