“YOU hard-hearted, dunder-headed, obstinate, rusty, crusty, musty, fusty {{1845-02: , }} old savage!” said I {{1841-01: , }} in fancy, one afternoon, to my grand uncle Rumgudgeon — shaking my fist at him in imagination.

Only in imagination. The fact is {{1841-01: that //1845-02: , }} some trivial discrepancy did exist {{1845-02: , just then, }} between what I said {{1841-01: just then }} and what I had not the courage to say — between what I did and what I had half a mind to do.

The old porpoise, as I opened the {{1841-01: dining-room //1845-02: drawing-room }} door, was sitting with his feet {{1841-01: up on //1845-02: upon }} the mantel-piece, and a bumper of {{1841-01: Port //1845-02: port }} in his paw, making strenuous efforts to accomplish the ditty.

“My dear uncle,” said I, closing the door gently, and approaching him with the blandest of smiles {{1841-01: — //1845-02: , }} “you are always so very kind and considerate, and have evinced your benevolence in so many — so very many ways — that — that I feel I have only to suggest this little point to you once more to {{1841-01: procure //1845-02: make sure of }} your full acquiescence.”

“Hem!” said he {{1841-01: — //1845-02: , }} “good boy! {{1841-01: — }} go on!”

“I am sure, my {{1841-01: dearest //1845-02: dearest }} uncle {{1841-01: , ( //1845-02: [ }} you confounded old rascal! {{1841-01: ) //1845-02: ] }} that you have no design really, seriously {{1845-02: , }} to oppose my union with Kate. This is merely a joke of yours, I know — ha! ha! ha! — how very pleasant you are at times.”

“Ha! ha! ha!” said he {{1841-01: — //1845-02: , }} “curse you! {{1841-01: — }} yes!”

“  {{1841-01: Of //1845-02: To be sure — of }} course {{1841-01: , //1845-02: ! }} I knew you were jesting. Now, uncle, all that Kate and myself wish at present, is that you would oblige us with your advice {{1841-01: — you are so very competent to advise us, uncle — and — and //1845-02: as }} — as regards the time {{1841-01: , you //1845-02: — you }} know, uncle — in short {{1845-02: , }} when will it be most convenient for yourself, that the wedding shall — shall — come off {{1845-02: , }} you know?”

“Come off {{1841-01: ! //1845-02: , }} you scoundrel! — what do you mean by that? Better wait till it goes on.”

“Ha! ha! ha! — he! he! he! — hi! hi! hi! — ho! ho! ho! — hu! hu! hu! — oh, that's good! — oh, that's capital — such a wit! But all we {{1841-01: wish //1845-02: want }} , {{1841-01: just //1845-02: just }} now {{1845-02: , }} you know, uncle, is that you would indicate the time {{1841-01: precisely //1845-02: precisely }} .”

“Ah! — precisely?”

“Yes, uncle — that is, if it would be quite agreeable to yourself.”

“  {{1845-02: Wouldn't //1850-02: Would'nt }} it answer, Bobby, if I were to leave it at random — {{1841-01: sometime //1845-02: some time }} within a year or so, for example {{1845-02: ? }} — must I say precisely?”

“If you please, uncle — precisely.”

“Well {{1845-02: , }} then {{1845-02: , }} Bobby {{1845-02: , }} my boy — you’re a fine fellow {{1841-01: aren't //1845-02: , are'nt }} you? — since you will have the exact time {{1845-02: , }} I'll — {{1845-02: why, }} I'll oblige you for once.”

“  {{1841-01: Dear //1845-02: Dear }} uncle!”

“Hush, sir! {{1845-02:  ” [drowning my voice] }} — {{1845-02: “  }} I'll oblige you for once. You shall have my consent — and the {{1841-01: plum, Bobby //1845-02: plum }} , we {{1841-01: musn't //1845-02: mus'nt }} forget the plum — let me see {{1841-01: , now, //1845-02: ! }} when shall it be? To-day's Sunday — {{1841-01: isn't //1845-02: is'nt }} it? Well {{1845-02: , }} then, {{1841-01: I have it. You //1845-02: you }} shall be married precisely — precisely, now mind! {{1845-02: — }} when three Sundays come {{1845-02: together }} in {{1841-01: succession //1845-02: a week }} ! Do you hear me, sir {{1841-01: ? — what //1845-02: ! What }} are you gaping at? {{1841-01: — }} I {{1845-02: , }} say you shall have Kate {{1841-01: ( }} and {{1841-01: the //1845-02: her }} plum {{1841-01: ) }} when {{1841-01: three Sundays come in succession //1845-02: three Sundays come together in a week }} — but not till then {{1841-01: , //1845-02: — }} you young scapegrace — not till then {{1845-02: , }} if I die for it. You know me — I’m a man of my word — now be off!” Here he swallowed his {{1841-01: tumbler //1845-02: bumper }} of {{1841-01: Port //1845-02: port }} , while I rushed from the room in despair.

A very “fine old English gentleman {{1845-02: , }}  ” was my grand-uncle Rumgudgeon {{1841-01: ; //1845-02: , }} but {{1841-01: , }} unlike him of the song, he had his weak points. He was a little, pursy, pompous, passionate, semicircular somebody, with a red nose, a thick scull [[skull]], a long {{1841-01: purse //1845-02: pur e [[purse]] }} , and a strong sense of his own consequence. With the best heart in the world, he contrived {{1845-02: , through a predominant whim of contradition, }} to earn for himself, among those who only knew him superficially, the character of a curmudgeon {{1841-01: , merely through a predominant whim of contradiction }} . Like many excellent people, he seemed possessed {{1841-01: by //1845-02: with }} a spirit of tantalization {{1845-02: , }} which might easily, at a casual glance, have been mistaken for malevolence. To every request {{1845-02: , }} a positive “No!” was his immediate answer; but in the end — in the long, long end {{1841-01: , }} — there were exceedingly few requests which he refused. Against all attacks upon his purse he made the most sturdy defence; but the amount extorted from him {{1845-02: , }} at {{1841-01: last, was always in exact }} ratio with the length of the siege and the stubbornness of the resistance. In charity {{1841-01: , }} no one gave more liberally {{1841-01: , }} or with worse {{1845-02: a }} grace.

For the fine arts, and especially for the {{1841-01: belles lettres //1845-02: belles lettres }} he entertained a profound contempt. With this he had been inspired by Casimir Perier, whose pert little query — {{1841-01: a //1845-02: “A }} quoi un poete {{1841-01: est-il //1845-02: est il }} bon? {{1845-02:  ” }} he was in the habit of quoting, with a very droll pronunciation, as the ne plus ultra of logical wit. Thus my own inkling for the Muses {{1845-02: had }} excited his entire displeasure. He assured me one day, when I {{1841-01: had }} asked him for a new copy of Horace, that the {{1841-01: meaning //1845-02: translation }} of “Poeta nascitur non fit” was {{1841-01: “  //1845-02: [[“]] }} a nasty poet for nothing fit” — {{1841-01: an insult //1845-02: a remark }} which I took in {{1841-01: very serious //1845-02: high }} dudgeon. His repugnance to “the humanities {{1841-01:  ” //1845-02: [[”]] }} had, also, {{1841-01: much }} increased {{1841-01: , }} of late, by an accidental bias in favor of what he supposed to be natural science. Somebody had accosted him in the street, mistaking him for no less a personage than Doctor Dubble L. Dee, the lecturer upon quack physics. This set him off at a tangent; and just at the epoch of this story — for story it is {{1841-01: growing //1845-02: getting }} to be after all — my {{1841-01: grand-uncle //1845-02: grand[[-]]uncle }} Rumgudgeon was accessible and pacific only upon points which happened to chime in with the caprioles of the hobby he was riding. For the rest {{1841-01: — //1845-02: , }} he laughed with his arms and legs, and his politics were stubborn and easily understood. He thought, with Horsley, that “the people {{1841-01: had //1845-02: have }} nothing to do with the laws but to obey them.”

I had lived with the old gentleman all my life. My parents {{1845-02: in dying }} had bequeathed me to him {{1841-01: , }} as a rich legacy {{1841-01: , in dying }} . I {{1841-01: believed //1845-02: believe }} the old villain loved me as his own child — nearly if not quite as well as he loved Kate — but it was a dog's existence that he led me, after all. From my first year until my fifth {{1845-02: , }} he obliged me with very regular floggings. From five to fifteen {{1845-02: , }} he threatened me {{1845-02: , }} hourly {{1845-02: , }} with the House of Correction. From fifteen to twenty {{1845-02: , }} not a day passed in which he did not {{1841-01: swear a round oath that he would //1845-02: promise to }} cut me off with a shilling. I was a sad dog {{1841-01: , //1845-02: — }} it is true; but then it was a part of my nature — a point of my faith. In Kate {{1841-01: I had }} , however, {{1845-02: I had }} a firm friend, and I knew it. She was a good girl, and told me very sweetly that I might have her (plum and all) whenever I could badger my {{1841-01: grand-uncle //1845-02: grand[[-]]uncle }} Rumgudgeon {{1845-02: , }} into the necessary consent. Poor girl! — she was barely fifteen, and {{1841-01: , }} without this consent, her little amount in the funds {{1841-01: would //1845-02: was }} not {{1841-01: be }} come-at-able until five immeasurable summers had “dragged their slow {{1841-01: lengths //1845-02: length }} along.” What, then, to do? At fifteen, or even at {{1841-01: twenty ( //1845-02: twenty [ }} for I had now {{1841-01: reached //1845-02: passed }} my fifth {{1841-01: lustrum) //1845-02: olympiad] }} five years in prospect are very much the same as five hundred. In vain we besieged the old gentleman with importunities. Here was a piece de resistance (as Messieurs Ude and Careme [[Carême]] would say) which suited his perverse fancy to a T. It would have stirred the indignation of Job himself {{1845-02: , }} to see how much like an old mouser he behaved to us two poor wretched little mice. In his heart he wished for nothing more ardently than our {{1841-01: own }} union. He had made up his mind to this all along. In fact, he would have given ten thousand pounds from his own pocket (Kate's plum was her own) if he could have {{1841-01: discovered or }} invented {{1841-01: any thing //1845-02: anything }} like {{1841-01: a decent //1845-02: an }} excuse for complying with our very natural wishes. But then we had been so imprudent as to broach the subject ourselves. Not to oppose it under such circumstances {{1845-02: , }} I sincerely believe was not in {{1841-01: the //1845-02: his }} power {{1841-01: of my dear, good, obstinate, tantalistical, old uncle Rumgudgeon }} .

I have said already that he had his weak points; but {{1845-02: , }} in speaking of these {{1845-02: , }} I must not be understood as referring to his obstinacy {{1841-01: . That //1845-02: : that }} was one of his strong points — “assurement ce {{1841-01: n’ etail [[n’etait]] //1845-02: n’etait }} pas sa foible.” When I {{1841-01: mentioned //1845-02: mention }} his weakness I {{1841-01: had //1845-02: have }} allusion to a {{1841-01: kind of }} bizarre {{1841-01: old[[-]]womanish //1845-02: old-womanish }} superstition which beset him. He was great in dreams, portents, et id genus omne of rigmarole. He was excessively punctilious, too, upon small points of honor {{1841-01: — although sufficiently loose in regard to large ones. He was a man of his word, beyond doubt, but it was //1845-02: , and, }} after his own fashion, {{1841-01: to }}

{{1845-02: of his word, beyond doubt. This }} was, in fact, one of his hobbies. The spirit of his vows he made no scruple of setting at naught {{1841-01: — //1845-02: , }} but the letter {{1841-01: of his word }} was a bond inviolable. Now it was this latter peculiarity in his disposition {{1845-02: , }} of which Kate's ingenuity enabled us, one fine day, not long after our interview in the {{1841-01: dining-room //1845-02: dining[[-]]room }} , to take a very unexpected advantage; and {{1845-02: , }} having thus, in the fashion of all modern bards and orators, exhausted, in {{1841-01: prolegomend //1845-02: prolegomena }} , all the time at my command, and nearly {{1841-01: every inch of //1845-02: all }} the {{1841-01: space assigned me //1845-02: room at my disposal }} , I will sum up {{1845-02: in a few words }} what constitutes the {{1845-02: whole }} pith of the story {{1841-01: in as concise a style as that of Tacitus or Montesquieu }} .

It happened then — so the Fates ordered it — that {{1841-01: , }} among the naval acquaintances of my betrothed, {{1841-01: there }} were two gentlemen who had just set foot {{1841-01: on //1845-02: upon }} the shores of England {{1845-02: , }} after a year's absence, each, in foreign travel. In company with these gentlemen, my cousin and I, preconcertedly, paid {{1841-01: old Uncle //1845-02: uncle }} Rumgudgeon a visit {{1841-01: , }} on the afternoon of Sunday, October the {{1841-01: 10th, //1845-02: tenth }} — just three weeks after the memorable decision which had so cruelly defeated our hopes. For about half an hour the conversation ran upon ordinary topics {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ; }} but at last {{1845-02: , }} we contrived, quite naturally, to give it the following turn {{1841-01: . //1845-02: : }}

{{1841-01: Uncle. — And so, Captain Pratt, you //1845-02: Capt. Pratt. “ Well, I }} have been absenta {{1841-01: from London a whole //1845-02: just one }} year {{1845-02: . }} — {{1841-01: a whole //1845-02: Just one }} year {{1841-01: to day [[to-day]] //1845-02: to-day }} , as I live {{1841-01: . Let //1845-02: — let }} me see {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ! }} yes {{1845-02: ! }} — this is October the tenth. {{1841-01: [[new paragraph, indented]] Capt. Pratt. — A whole year to-day, sir, — precisely. }} You remember {{1845-02: , Mr. Rumgudgeon, }} I called {{1845-02: , this day year, }} to bid you {{1841-01: good bye //1845-02: good-bye }} . And {{1841-01: , this day year, }} by the way, {{1841-01: Mr. Rumgudgeon, }} it does seem something like a coincidence, does it not {{1841-01: ? }} — that our friend Captain Smitherton, here, has been absent exactly a year {{1841-01: , }} also — a year {{1841-01: to day. [[to-day?]] //1845-02: to-day?” }}

{{1841-01: Capt. }} Smitherton. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Yes {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ! }} just one year to a fraction. You will remember, Mr. Rumgudgeon, that I called with {{1841-01: Captain Pratt //1845-02: Capt. Pratol [[Pratt]] }} on this very day {{1845-02: , }} last year, to pay {{1841-01: you }} my parting respects. {{1845-02:  ” }}

Uncle. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Yes, yes, yes — I remember it {{1845-02: very }} well — very queer {{1845-02: , }} indeed! Both of you gone just one year. A very strange coincidence {{1845-02: , }} indeed {{1841-01: . //1845-02: ! }} Just what Doctor {{1841-01: Double [[Dubble]] //1845-02: Dubble }} L. Dee {{1841-01: — //1845-02: would denominate an extraordinary concurrence of events. Doctor Dub —” }}

Kate. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: (Interupting.) “  }} To be sure, {{1841-01: Papa //1845-02: papa }} , it is something strange; but then Captain Pratt and Captain Smitherton didn't go {{1841-01: altogether //1845-02: alttogether [[altogether]] }} the same route, and that makes a difference, you know. {{1845-02:  ” }}

Uncle. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} I don't know any such thing {{1841-01: ; //1845-02: , }} you huzzey {{1841-01: . //1845-02: ! }} How should I? I think it only makes the matter more remarkable. Doctor {{1841-01: Double [[Dubble]] //1845-02: Dubble }} L. Dee {{1845-02:  ” }} —

Kate. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Why, {{1841-01: Papa //1845-02: papa }} , Captain Pratt went round Cape Horn, and Captain Smitherton doubled the Cape of Good Hope. {{1845-02:  ” }}

Uncle. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Precisely! — the one went {{1841-01: East //1845-02: east }} and the other went {{1841-01: West //1845-02: west }} , you jade, and they both have gone quite round the world. By the bye, Doctor {{1841-01: Double [[Dubble]] //1845-02: Dubble }} L. Dee {{1845-02:  ” }} —

Myself {{1841-01: . — (hurriedly) — //1845-02: , (hurriedly.) “  }} Captain Pratt, you must come and spend the evening with us to-morrow — you and {{1841-01: Captain }} Smitherton — you can tell us all about your voyage, and we'll have a game of whist, and {{1845-02:  ” }} —

{{1845-02: Captain }} Pratt. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Whist {{1841-01: ! //1845-02: , }} my dear fellow {{1841-01: , //1845-02: — }} you forget {{1841-01: yourself }} . To-morrow will be Sunday. Some other evening {{1845-02:  ” }} —

Kate. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Oh {{1845-02: , }} no {{1841-01: ! //1845-02: , }} fie! — {{1841-01: Bobby's //1845-02: Robert's }} not quite so bad as that. To-day's Sunday. {{1845-02:  ” }}

Uncle. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} To be sure — to be sure! {{1845-02:  ” }}

{{1841-01: Capt. }} Pratt. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} I beg both your {{1841-01: pardons //1845-02: pardon's [[pardons]] }} — but I can't be so much mistaken. I {{1841-01: know //1845-02: know }} to-morrow's Sunday, because {{1845-02:  ” }} —

{{1841-01: Capt. }} Smitherton {{1841-01: ( in surprise.) — //1845-02: , (much surprised.) “  }} What are you all thinking about? {{1841-01: Wasn't //1845-02: Was'nt }} yesterday Sunday, I should like to know? {{1845-02:  ” }}

All. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Yesterday indeed! you are out {{1841-01: ! //1845-02: .” }}

Uncle. {{1841-01: — To-day's //1845-02: “To-day's }} Sunday {{1845-02: , }} I say — don't I know? {{1845-02:  ” }}

{{1841-01: Capt. }} Pratt. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} Oh no! to-morrow's Sunday. {{1845-02:  ” }}

{{1841-01: Capt. }} Smitherton. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} You are all mad — every one of you {{1841-01: — //1845-02: . }} I am as positive that yesterday was Sunday as I am that I sit upon this chair. {{1845-02:  ” }}

Kate {{1841-01: ( //1845-02: , ( }} jumping up eagerly. {{1841-01: ) — //1845-02: ) “  }} I see it — I see it all. Papa {{1845-02: , }} this is a judgment upon you {{1845-02: , }} about — about you know what. Let me alone {{1845-02: , }} and I'll explain it all in a minute. It's a very simple thing, indeed. Captain Smitherton says that yesterday was Sunday: {{1841-01: — }} so it was {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ; }} he is right. Cousin Bobby, and {{1841-01: Uncle, //1845-02: uncle }} and I, say {{1845-02: that }} to-day is Sunday: {{1841-01: — }} so it is {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ; }} we are right. Captain Pratt maintains that to-morrow will be Sunday: {{1841-01: — }} so it will {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ; }} he is right too. The fact is {{1845-02: , }} we are all right, and thus {{1841-01: three Sundays’ [[Sundays]] have come together. //1845-02: three Sundays have come together in a week.” }}

Smitherton. {{1841-01: —— O yes, by //1845-02: (after a pause.) “By }} the bye, Pratt, Kate {{1841-01: is quite rational //1845-02: has us completely }} . What fools we two are! Mr. Rumgudgeon, the matter stands thus {{1841-01: . The //1845-02: : the }} earth, you know, is twenty-four thousand miles in circumference {{1841-01: — [[new paragraph, indented]] Uncle. — To be sure! — Doctor Double [[Dubble]] — [[new paragraph, indented]] Smitherton. — Twenty-four thousand miles in circumference. //1845-02: . }} Now this globe of the earth turns upon its own axis — revolves — spins round {{1845-02: — }} these twenty-four thousand miles of extent, going from {{1841-01: West //1845-02: west }} to {{1841-01: East //1845-02: east }} , in precisely twenty-four hours. Do you understand {{1845-02: , }} Mr. Rumgudeon? {{1845-02:  ” }}

Uncle. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} To be sure — to be sure{{1841-01: : }} — Doctor {{1841-01: Doub [[Dub]] //1845-02: Dub” }} —

Smitherton. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: (drowing his voice.) “  }} Well, sir {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ; }} that is at the rate of one thousand miles per hour. Now {{1845-02: suppose that }} I sail {{1841-01: , }} from this position {{1841-01: , }} a thousand miles {{1841-01: East //1845-02: east }} . {{1845-02: Of course, }} I anticipate the rising of the sun {{1841-01: , }} here at London, by just one hour. {{1845-02: I see the sun rise one hour before you do. }} Proceeding in the same direction {{1845-02: , }} yet another thousand miles, I anticipate the rising by two hours — another thousand {{1845-02: , }} and I anticipate it by three hours {{1841-01: . And //1845-02: — and }} so on, until I go entirely round the globe, and back to this spot, when, having gone twenty-four thousand miles {{1841-01: East //1845-02: east }} , I anticipate the rising of the London sun by no less than twenty-four hours {{1841-01: — //1845-02: ; }} that is to say, I am a day in advance of your time. {{1845-02: Understand, eh?” [[new paragraph, indented]] Uncle. “But Double [[Dubble]] L. Dee” — [[new paragraph, indented]] Smitherton, (speaking very loud.) “  }} Captain Pratt, on the contrary, when he had sailed a thousand miles west of this position, was an hour, and when he had sailed twenty-four thousand miles {{1841-01: West //1845-02: west }} , was twenty-four hours, or {{1841-01: a //1845-02: one }} day, behind the time at London. Thus {{1845-02: , }} with me {{1845-02: , }} yesterday was Sunday — thus {{1845-02: , }} with you {{1845-02: , }} to-day is Sunday — and thus {{1845-02: , }} with Pratt {{1845-02: , }} to-morrow will be Sunday {{1841-01: — and, //1845-02: . And }} what is more, Mr. Rumgudgeon, it is positively clear that we are all right {{1841-01: ; //1845-02: ; }} for there can be no philosophical {{1841-01: or just }} reason assigned {{1841-01: , }} why the idea of one {{1845-02: of us }} should have preference over that of the other. {{1845-02:  ” }}

Uncle. {{1841-01: — //1845-02: “  }} My eyes! — well, Kate — well, Bobby! — this is a judgment upon me, as you say. {{1841-01: I always was a great old scoundrel. But I am a man of my word //1845-02: But I am a man of my word }} — mark that! {{1841-01: You //1845-02: you }} shall have her, {{1841-01: my }} boy {{1841-01: , }} (plum and all {{1845-02: , }} ) when you please. Done up, by Jove! Three Sundays all in a row! I'll go {{1845-02: , }} and take {{1841-01: Double [[Dubble]] //1845-02: Dubble }} L. Dee's opinion upon that. {{1845-02:  ” }}