Text: Edgar Allan Poe (rejected), “A Chapter in the History of Vivum-Ovo,” pamphlet, reprinted from the Free Trader (Memphis, TN), about August 1882

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EDS. FREE TRADER: — The enclosed manuscript entitled, “A Chapter from the History of the Island of VIVUM-OVO,” fell into my possession by chance. A month ago while on a visit to a relative in the city of Richmond, I had occassion [[occasion]] to ransack an old trunk, containing musty papers, deeds, leases, letters, tax receipts, etc., and came across the enclosed M. S. The handwriting so exactly like Edgar Allen [[Allan]] Poe’s, struck my attention. This belief that it was the production of the Poet, gained strength by learning the fact from an ancient member of the family in whose house the M. S. was found, that Poe, when quite a young man, had made frequent visits to that house — had even stayed all night in it, and no doubt wrote the “chapter” while there. You can publish it if you like, taking care to preserve the M. S., and return it to me. Yours truly,

GEORGE REEVES.

Vicksburg, Miss., July 26, 1882.

“Mais attaquer des mallieureux, et leer insulter quand ils wont vaincous; c’est une lackete, c’est one barbarie, que les immortels doivent punir.” — Numa Pompilius par M. le Florian.

The Island of VIVUM-OVO, topographically considered, is quite peculiar. On the Northern side is considerable table-land, which, near the coast, breaks into mountains and [page 4:] rugged vallies [[valleys]]. This table-land slopes Southward in one broad, slightly undulating plain, And disappears in the bottom lands of a marshy Southern coast. All the rivers of the great island ofVIVUM-OVO run from North to South and spread out before they reach the Southern ocean in broad delta mouths, which disgorge annually huge volumes of diluvia, washed from the high-lands of the North.

The most fertile soil, the most genial climate are found in the rich alluvial valleys of the South, where the productive powers of old mother earth seem to be inexhaustable [[inexhaustible]] The soil here is rich enough to supply, not only the necessaries of life to the large cities of the sea-boards on the Southern coast, but a great part of the food for the fishers and hunters of the highlands on the Northern coast. The greater part of the wealth, as well as the most unbounded energy of nature, were at one period of the history of this remarkable people, found in the fair sunny valleys of the OVO — as the Southern portion of VIVUM-OVO was called to distinguish it from the Northern part, VIVUM.

In the early period of their history, the people of VIVUM were poor, much poorer than the people in the alluvial lands of OVO. The rigorous climate, the stony soil, and contiguity of the ocean coast, forced the the [[sic]] great body of the VIVUMS to go into the fishing business for a living. Many, however, subsisted almost entirely on the ban-ban, a species of hardy bean grown in the crevices of the rocks and flourishing even on the most stony soil. Indeed this ban-ban (which the wealthier OVOS considered only good for their pigs), was elevated to the dignity of a National dish. Ban-ban feasts were given and [page 5:] when the king or his nobles visited the rugged coasts of the North where the ban-ban was most popular, they were feasted on ban-ban suppers or dinners where that delicious lentel was served in a variety of ways. But neither the growth of the ban-ban, or their extensive fisheries, did more than yield a fair support for the people ofVIVUM. Nothing was left for the king’s tax-gatherers. In fact the VIVUMS depended largely on their trade with the wealthy OVOS for their support. They bartered fish and ban-bans for the richer produce of the OVO’S country. The greater part of the taxes which kept up the king’s government was paid by the OVOS. These taxes paid for all the great public buildings, for the improvement of the rivers and harbors in the country of VIVUM for the magnificent State houses, for the king’s and nobles’ palaces — they stocked all the VIVUM rivers with fine breeds of fish, and especially furnished all the money paid out as government bounties for the cultivation of the mountain pine — a tree peculiarly adapted to the stony soil and harsh climate of the most Northern portions of VIVUM

In the old, old time, on a night when the people of OVO were sunk into profound and lethargic sleep — all except one something of a giant he was — the king and his council enacted a law which gave a bounty of one-tenth on the value of every pine-tree planted by the people of VIVUM. As the king’s council had the power to appoint the commissioners who were to put the valuation on the pine-trees which were to get the bounty and as these commissioners were composed of pine-tree planters, it followed, that they knew to a dot the value of a tree [page 6:] and would never by any accident undervalue it. Of course, the people ofOVO not having a stony soil or cold climate, were not familiar with the pine planting business, therefore were unfit to act as commissioners in the valuation of the trees or setting the amount of the bounty to be given. Of course this gave rise to dissatisfactions and grumblings among the OVOS.

The wisdom of this pine-tree law became manifest even to the dullest minds of the VIVUMS, the OVOS, on the contrary, being naturally more obtuse, quarrelsome and selfish than theVIVUMS, failed to see the benificent [[beneficent]] results of that law, and their discontent deepened as the days went by.

Meanwhile the VIVUMS waxed stronger and richer every hour of their lives. The pine-tree law was as the fabled purse of Fortunatus. It brought in millions and millions of money. The fishers gave up the poor business of fishing and went into the more lucrative business of planting pine-trees. Every spot was utilized. In every hole and corner, on every stony hill and mountain, in the crevices between the barren rocks, by the brooksides and the waysides, the indefatigable, people ofVIVUM planted the pine-trees, which were to bring in a golden harvest. So energetically did they work, they transported soil from distant islands and continents; spread it on the naked rocks and planted the trees that were to bear such golden fruit.

In this way and by these means, the VIVUMS grew to be the richest people on the island. The OVOS were left far, far behind. In fact the OVOS became poorer and poorer. In vain they tilled the soil from day dawn until set of sun, work hard .as they might, [page 7:] they continued to grow poorer and poorer.

Every scruple of their surplus earnings went to pay the bounties on pine-trees. Meanwhile theVIVUMS enjoyed a magnificent revenue. With riches came leisure, with leisure came time for mental work, with mental work came THUOGHT [[THOUGHT]], until finally the VIVUMS realized the glorious fact that they were the greatest and wisest people on the face of the earth, and that the sun regulated his movements entirely according to their plans and calculations. Just in proportion as this knowledge of their own worth dwelled upon them, they became aware of the utter inferiority in all things, mental, moral and physical, of the unfortunate people of OVO, and their wisest men began to devise ways and means of reducing the OVOS to a state of dependency and servitude, so evidently intended by the great and good Creator.

The OVOS had no leisure for mental labor, it pushed them to feed their families and pay the pine-tree bounties. However, here and there were a few OVO men who laid some claim to letters, and these, it must be confessed, made so ill a use of the little knowledge they had, the wise VIVUMS rightly decided it were better if they had none at all.

They declared that they greatly preferred the ignorance of the honest brutes which plowed the fields of theOVOS, than the perverted and evil knowledge possessed by the few so-called wise men ofOVO. For these latter, actuated by mean jealousy and discontent at the wonderful prosperity of theVIVUMS, began to stir up dissatisfaction in the hearts of the OVO people, so that many made loud outcries against the pine-tree tax, which they declared robbed them of their hard-earned [page 8:] money. This selfish and unpatriotic conduct on the part of the OVO people naturally aroused great indignation among the noble VIVUMS. They denounced theOVO wise men as fools and knaves, as traitors and brigands. The quarrel waxed fiercer and fiercer, until finally the people of eleven of the largest cities of OVO held meetings and appointed delegates to attend a mammoth convention of all the OVO people, to discuss and consider the situation, and petition for redress of their so-called grievances, at which the VIVUMS loudly jeered. They laughed to scorn the bare idea of so stupid, so inferior a race as the OVOS setting themselves against the combined wisdom of the King, his council and the whole people of the great country of VIVUM. Contempt is always exasperating: this treatment of theOVOS only stirred them up to-more-outspoken words of dissatisfaction. They issued strong protests and complaints of the injustice and partiality of the King’s council in imposing the pine-tree tax upon them. The VIVUMS retorted by asking why they did not also plant pine-trees and grow rich on government bounties? Crimination and recrimination was kept up until the King’s patience was exhausted, and his great heart filled with patriotic fire, and he burned to go forth and utterly exterminate the vicious people of OVO; but, mindful of his character as a pious and law-abiding monarch, he restrained his ardor and set about the work in a lawful. and becoming way. Seizing his great Horn of State, he blew such a blast as almost to startle the Universe — at least that portion of it near to his throne and kingdom — a blast that reverberated from hill to hill, that shook the mountains and plains [page 9:] from ocean to ocean, that called the people from their homes on the mountain-tops, their homes in the valleys — from the cities by the seaboard and their cities midland — called them to awake! arm! gird up their loins and gather up their implements of war and , go down by the hundred and by the thousand and by the million, foot and horse, to the low land that lies under the Sun, and to smite the rebellious people of that land hip and thigh I Smite their young men with the sword and the sabre, with shot and shell, with gun and mortar, until the last one falleth down in the last ditch and dieth the death of the dog that he is And the young maids may be taken captive; the cattle hamstrung and left to die by the wayside, if not needed to feed the brave armies of VIVUM; their castles and cabins alike be given to the flames and their fields laid waste.

And, as it was ordered, so was it done; for the OVOS were by this time very poor in comparison with the VIVUMS. They had neither guns nor swords, sabres or bayonets. They had no forges for the manufacturing of these deadly weapons, for they were only a simple, hard-working people who tilled the soil and lived by the sweat of their brow.

The VIVUMS had all that luxury could desire; their King and nobles dressed in purple and fine linen every day, and feasted and fattened on the best that all climes could produce, their common soldiers fared like princes — princes in comparison with they OVO men; whose tents were only the bleak or the burning sky, whose blankets were the grass of the earth, or the mud and slop. Instead of keen swords, they had only their, well-worn [page 10:] plowshares ; instead of fiery steeds, which snuffed the battle afar off and neighed’ to the sound of the trumpet, the unhappy OVOS had only sluggish work animals. It needed no prophet to foretell the result. The god of battle is always on the side of the strongest and richest. The OVOg suffered the cruel fate of the conquered, and the people of VIVUM sent up such a shout of victory as split the heavens in twain, and such a deluge of woes rained down on the land of OVO as the world had never before witnessed since the day of the universal flood.

After the OVOS were completely subdued, the King’s anger greatly subsided and he resolved to treat them with unexampled tenderness. Being a very pious and noble King, he would not exterminate his disobedient subjects, as is too much the custom of great monarchs, nor would he reduce them to abject helplessness. He called together his council of wise men, and with-their assistance devised a method of punishment worthy of all praise. It was resolved to deprive the male population of the disaffected sections of the kingdom of the use of their right hands for the term of ten years. This was to be done by iron bands, bolts and rivets, which firmly fastened the right hand of every male OVO to his side in such a way he had no more use of it than if it was cut off at the shoulder. Great was the rejoicing at this happy ending of a disagreeable affair. A lovely peace prevailed lin every part of the island. From one end to the other went up Hosannas to the Highest. A thousand golden harps twanged, and a thousand hallelujahs were sung, and a thousand thanksgivings to the god of battle for his great victory. TheVIVUMS went wild with [page 11:] joy. To show their gratitude to their King, they built him a splendid palace, and gave him 4 thousand bags of gold, and decreed that ever after that, his people should fall on their faces in his presence and touch the bottom of one of his sacred feet with their loyal lips. Pine-tree planting became more popular than ever. The King’s council had, greatly raised the bounty, so that the people plunged into the business of planting with, increased enthusiasm; in a very short time the highways and byways, the hill-tops and sides, the valleys and even the bare rocks of the mountains became green and flourishing with pine trees, which brought in millions and millions of bounty money to the already rich and grand VIVUMS. Still their energy was unabated. When they could no longer find a spot of earth or a crevice of rock in which to plant a pine tree, they resorted to the ingenious devise of burning down plantations of pines, that they might enjoy the task of replanting and re-reaping the harvest of government bounties.

Meanwhile, the OVOS were as mute and as meek as so many mice. The discipline of baying their right bands securely fastened to their side, by a patent lock invented for that purpose, was considered au eminent. success, or which the King, his council and, people took great credit to themselves.

Now, between the extreme south and the extreme north of the island, on the beautiful undulating uplands, are. a people who are partly descended from the OVOS and partly from the Vivums. This mixture so leveled, if we may use the expression, the feelings and opinions of the midland people as to make them somewhat inclined to sympathize [page 12:] with the OVOS’ sufferings, yet always to uphold the VIVUMS in all they did. They sang hosannas when the OVOS were conquered, they helped to build the King’s splendid palace, they loudly maintained that the OVOS had acted in a very disloyal and disgraceful way when they grumbled at the pine-tree tax, and they continually exhorted the OVOS to keep their mouths shut and never, on any account, to speak disrespectfully of the King, his council or the loyal people of VIVUM. These latter, the midland people said, were the natural superiors of the OVOS, and it was the duty of the OVOS to keep quiet, to work hard, to pay the bounties, honor the King and make no effort to get their hands loose during the ten years decreed by the King’s council.

Notwithstanding this wise, generous and loyal conduct on the part of the midland people, the more wise, more just, more truly loyal people of the extreme north viewed with suspicious eyes the show of loyalty made by the midland people. Many of the wiser and most loyal of the VIVUMS thought it would be well to tie the right hands of the midland men as well as .the hands of the worst traitors of OVO.

Quite a lively debate was bad in the King’s council on the matter. His highness, the Prince of Can-Can, member from one of the most northern cities, made a masterly effort favor of leniency, and carried the day. The principal argument used by his highness, Prince Can-Can, was that the natures of the midlanders and the OVOS were entirely different. The latter were an ignorant, half-barbarous people, of whom no good could be expected (unless their right hands were forever [page 13:] kept tied), but for the midlanders he was in favor of the largest liberties. No people ever shouted louder for their King than they; no people more enjoyed falling flat at the feet of the sovereign; no people ever kissed the sole of his royal foot with more gusto. On the contrary, the OVOS are a stiff-necked, stupid race. They have not the intelligence to understand the blessings of the tax levied by the government on pine-tree planting. They are utterly incapable of comprehending and accepting those eternal maxims of wisdom taught by the great political economists ofVIVUM, to wit: Taxation is always a blessing. “Taxation enriches the people,” and other maxims of like wisdom. Even VIVUM boys of tender age could grasp these underlying political truths, only the besotted minds of the OVOS were too narrow and too darkened. “The OVOS,” said his highness, the prince, “if they ever did possess a respectable quantity of intelligence, had long since lost it, by reason of their incurable indolence. They were a worn-out, effete race. the dumb brutes that drew their plows had more energy and intellect. [Loud applause.] And not hesitate to make the prediction that-in less than a score of years their humble quadrupeds will take the lead in OVO in society, in the arts, in polities.”

Thunders of applause greeted this eloquent burst. Nothing more touched the noble hearts of theVIVUMS than reflections of this nature cast on the people they most despised. The prince’s speech was published in a pamphlet form as well as in all the newspapers, and read with delight by all truly loyal VIVUMS. Thousands were generously distributed among the OVOS, who held it before their eyes with [page 14:] their left hands, and read it with what feelings may be more easily imagined than described.

In process of years the OVOS managed to get their right-hands partially free, but so great was their terror of the VIVUMS their whole nature underwent a change Meekness. and docility became their most prominent characteristics. Now and then, it is true, a man would arise in OVO with some of their old native fire, but the rest of his people always turned a cold shoulder on such. men, and if he wished to speak in their interest they would pluck at his coat-tails and pluck him from the rostrum, and in terrified whispers advise him to, keep silent or shout hosannas to the King. The people of OVO greatly feared that if any of their people spoke too loudly it would give the King and his council an excuse to send down upon them their great general, Skit-Skat, the most terrible general in the world, whose favorite amusement was to burn down OVO houses and laugh at the sight of the tall chimneys left sentinels over the ruins. These seared and blackened and dumb chimneys were called “Skit-Skat’s sentinels.” Though dumb, they told a melancholy story: This great and noble general was as wise as he was valiant, and took the friendliest interest in the improvement of the condition of the unhappy OVOS, made them eloquent speeches and gave them advice, every word of which were as the golden words of Wisdom itself. Kindly and affectionately did General Skit-Skat endeavor to show the benighted people Hof OVO That. all which the King’s council and :the King’s army had done to theOVO people and-country bad been done for their good, [page 15:] and that the pine-tree tax was an inestimable blessing to the people of OVO ; also, that to keep their ‘hands tied for ten years would greatly promote their happiness and prosperity. “Above all,” said the great genera;, in conclusion, “the people of OVO should refrain from meddling with the great affairs of the nation; the King and council are fully capable of managing those affairs, and it is the duty and would show the wisdom of the OVOS to leave politics alone and strictly engage in the business of cultivating the soil, pay the taxes like honest men, and kiss the King’s royal foot on every favorable opportunity. ‘By this course,” said General Skit-Skat, in conclusion, “you people of OVO will grow rich and prosperous and loyal as the people of VIVUM.”

The people of OVO much profited by this wise advice, and when, shortly after that, the King and some of his high nobles traveled down and through the OVO country to count the chimneys, or as they were-called Skit-Skat’s sentinels, and to receive the homage of the people, with one accord all the men ofOVO fell flat in the dust at the feet of the King and kissed his royal foot and sung hosannas to his glory.

Notwithstanding this evidence of true loyalty, the VIVUMS had little faith sin its genuineness. They mocked and sneered and jeered at the OVOS, and plainly taunted them with being hypocrites, and not truly sand from the soul enjoying the kisses they Planted on the royal foot.

Although the mouse-like meekness of the OVOS, and their liberal” show of loyalty, it would seem were enough to merit the confidence of the Vivurns, the great men of this [page 16:] latter nation were more than ever keenly suspicious. They induced the King and his council to appoint a committee, composed of seven of the sagest men in all VIVUM, to consider and report on the condition of affairs in OVO, and the best way to keep that turbulent people quiet. After four Months’ careful and prayerful work the committee made the following report:

To the Most Worshipful King and his most high and honorable council, Dictator and Ruler of the great Island of Vivum-Ovo :

Your Committee hummbly showeth the following to be indubitably true:

1st, The people of South VIVUM-OVO are intensely ignorant.

2nd, Ignorance is the cause of disloyalty.

3rd, They are constitutionally lazy.

4th, Ignorance, disloyalty and laziness are the natural outgrowth of the soil and climate of theOVO country.

5th, Science shows that an alluvial soil has a strong tendency to make a people lazy and ignorant. A stony soil has the contrary effect. Your Committee see no way to root out the Illiteracy of this unfortunate land, except by transporting immense quantities of stones from the highly favored soil of VIVUM to the land of OVO.

6th, Science shows that the lower-in the scale of intelligence an animal is, the more rapidly he multiplies, this truth is exemplified in the OVOS and Viv um.. The average number of young in an OVO family, is nine, the average number in a VIVUM family is three. The OVOS depend solely on natural inrease [[increase]] to populate the land, the VIVUMS depend more on the import of foreigners.

7th, The amount of land in the Island of Vivum-Ovo being limited, it will be wise to set limits to the growth of population. In order to do this, our first duty is to select such specimens as are most worthy to be reproduced.

8th, This selection will not prove a difficult task. It is obvious to any unprejudiced mind that. the progeny of the OVOS are bound to be cursed with the inheritance of their fathers’ Ignorance, Disloyalty, [page 17:] and Laziness, therefore we suggest that a law be enacted, which will effectually check the growth of population in OVO. The amount of land inVIVUM-OVO is not only limited in extent, but part of it is unfit for cultivation, theVIVUMS who are the thinkers of the Island, indeed of the world, being invaluable to humanity, must look to their own interests and not permit too rapid a growth of the OVOS, lest they consume the products of their own soil and leave our people to starve. It is painfully apparent that the OVOS increase too rapidly, that increase must diminish the quantity of food which is ours by right of conquest and native superiority. To meet these alarming and growing evils, your Committee has pressed science into its service and with its aid has devised the following plan:

1st, We will premise that science has discovered a radical difference in the physiological and pshycological structure of the Vivum women and the women of OVO. Whether this difference was decreed in the beginning by an all-wise Providence to mark the inferiority of OVO people, or whether it was brought about by the constitutional laziness of the OVO men and women lasting for many generations, science has not determined. This vital and distinctive difference lies in the fact that the Ovo women are oviperous and the Vivum women are viviperous.

Making use of this fact, which is thus providentially placed in our power, your committee recommend that a board of expert physicians be appointed by the government with .power to examine and destroy such eggs as in their wisdom they conceive contain the germ of disloyal, unpatriotic or treasonable creatures. In this way your committee feel assured, the OVO people now so cursed in their nature, may in time become sensible and truly loyal citizens.

Your Committee are assured by the scientists that medical experts will have no difficulty in determining from the outward appearance of an egg as to the true inwardness of its character, foretelling to a nicety, how much and how little of the native “cussedness,” if we may be permitted to use the slang of the day, is contained any shell under consideration. The merits of this plan may be summed up thus:

1st, It is feasible.

2nd, It is Legal

3rd, lt is Loyal. [page 18:]

In conclusion your committee returns thanks to the eminent Scientists and philosophers who have given us their invaluable aid in our arduous work.

All of which is respectfully submitted,

The above report was adopted by the king and council, and gave general satisfaction to the people ofVIVUM. A number of the most able experts the world ever produced, was appointed under the name of “The Board of Social Civilization for the Promotion of True Loyalty.”

This board had full power to sit in judgement and determine that ——

THE END.

———

[Here the story ends abruptly, — a favorite way with Poe.

We have carefully compared the chirography of the M. S. With Poe’s autograph, and while we are bound to confess there is a striking resemblance, and that the M. S. has all the appearance of being an old paper, still from internal evidence, from the style as well as the matter, we are by no means convinced that Poe is the author. It is true the writer may have had in view the relations of England and Ireland, or more likely the contests between Poland and Russia. Poe, with all his wonderful imagination, was wonderfully, [page 19:] realistic. He may have had in view the abstract picture of all Conquests and all Rebellions, a part of the history of every nation. In our opinion, however, the manuscript under consideration, shadows events of a more recent date, and nearer home than any European contest. Be it as it may, we give the M. S. to our readers for what it is worth. Whether it be Poe’s or some other writer, dead and gone, it possesses more than passing interest. EDS. FREE TRADER.]

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Note: The phrase “ VIVUM-OVO” is Latin, and translates literally as “living with egg.” A more common phrase is “omne VIVUM exOVO,” meaning “every living thing comes from an egg.” It is possible that the author intended to imply a connection to Jonathan Swift’s famous satire of Gulliver’s Travels, which includes a chapter about the war between the Lilliputians over the question of when eating an egg which end should be opened first. Overall, the poor story of VIVUM-OVO is clearly a satirical take on the Civil War, provided from the biased view of the Southern side of the conflict. President Lincoln is almost certainly the King. General Skit-Skat is General William Tecumseh Sherman, who led the intentionally destructive march through the south and was also said to have left chimneys of burned houses, which were called “Sherman’s Sentinels.” Although little is know about George Reeves, he does appear to have been a real person. The Vicksburg Dispatch for December 2, 1896 (vol. 1, no. 288, p. 3) mentions Mr. George Reeves as one of several businessmen to have purchased property on Mulberry Street.